Friday, December 31, 2010

So a blog I like to read has something called "Awkward and Awesome Thursdays". Though I do not plan on doing a list of awkward and awesome things often, there has been a whooole lot of awkward and awesome in this grand old week of Christmas and I figure, what better way to sum it all up!? So here it is, my Awkward and awesome list:
Awesome: Being totally alone in my apartment in Rexburg while I clean for a few days. Usually I don't do well being alone, but for some reason it was really nice.
Awkward: Cleaning some UBER-nasty guys apartments for hours on end. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, some stains just don't come out! (said in an infomercial voice)
Awesome: Spending qaulity time with those fair few still left in Rexburg, and moving my stuff into my new apt. (Where Erryn and I will drive each other crazy!!! woooo!)
Awkward (or more appropriately described as not-so-awesome):
-Eating more food in a day than is typically eaten in a week.
Awesome: Having all the food I have eaten be completely free. (for me at least)
Awesome: Staying at Circus Circus and my dad making the comment that he feels like we're staying at the United Nations.
Double Awkward: Having a middle eastern family walk into the elevator right after my dad makes the comment about feeling like we are staying at the United Nations.
Awesome: Watching a beautiful and muscular Bulgarian male acrobat perform in a circus act. Thank you Bulgaria for your contributions to this world, and my vacation.
Awkward: The asian kid behind me blowing spit bubbles during the circus. Thank you China for YOUR contribution.
Awesome: Walking the strip of Vegas and taking a picture of every letter of the alphabet from the variety of signs.
Awkward or more like SLEEZY: The pimps on every corner passing out porno cards for their "escort" business.
Double awkward: Not speeding up fast enough to walk between the pimps and my 16 year old brother, glaring at a mexi-pimp, and having him smile and grab my hand as I walk by. If I only have one hand the next time you see me, it is because I soaked the other in acid.
Awesome: Making endless fat jokes about my pregnant sister in law (ie: Did Holly leave any food at the Buffet? We know Holly is full! Are you tired Holly?... We can roll you to the hotel room! and so on...)
Awkward: Making endless fat jokes about my pregnant sister in law. (Someday I know she will have her vengeance...)
Awesome: The snack plate of home made goodies at Grandma's house that never. runs. out! It's like the Mary Poppins bag for desserts!
Awkward: ALWAYS picking the fruit and nut candy out of the SEES candy box first. You'd think after 19 years of trying to NOT get the fruit and Nut, that I'd learn what it looks like. I think the makers purposefully make it the biggest and most appealing (looking) chocolate in the box just to trick me every year!
Awesome: PRESENTS!!! and gorgeous weather.
Awkward: Having cold feet. IN ARIZONA!!!
Awesome: Taking a long nap for the first time in weeks. (yea, I'm a baby)
Awkward: Being awoken from the nap by my brothers jumping on me and quoting the movie Heavyweights ("Time to wake up children. GOOD MOOORRRRNING!")
Double Awkward: My brothers smelling like bad onions and beef and breathing in my face. Lay off the salsa guys.
Awkward: Having my cousin ask where I was living these days, replying BYU-Idaho, and then not being able to tell whether he was joking when He asked where Idaho was and if that was a state. He's from Washington. Disclaimer: REXBURG is small. IDAHO is not :)
Awkward: Leaving my phone at another house ALL DAY (which never happens) and coming back home to find a textbox full of messages, only to find a voicemail, from my brother, that he left when he was sitting with me in the car when I recognized I'd left my phone. I feel so cool.
Awesome: Sleeping, or trying to, on a looong car trip.
Awesome: Getting the movie Pearl Harbour for Christmas. GREATEST. MOVIE. EVER. It's got the looooove and the action and the looove and Ben Affleck+Josh Hartnett in the same movie. WHO COULD ASK FOR MORE?!
Awkward: Standing in line, behind an old mexican man, for the dressing room at Victoria's Secret. Nuff said.
I'm sure there was plenty more awkward and awesome moments, but thank your lucky stars that I won't bore you with more. Now, perhaps I should go do something more productive with my day. (haha riiiight)
Anywho... You have a good... no... GREAT day!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"Got me a new hair dooo" doo doo doooooo

So look, I haven't written a blog in a while. It's weird how when you are at school, for some reason, studying and having a social life sprinkled with a little bit of shut eye seems more important than writing a blog that only, you, your mom, and maybe a friend of a friend of the cousin of your mailman, reads. It's also funny how the only time you feel like you have something important enough to blog about is when you are irritated, or need to vent about something. Come ooon Val, this isn't a journal! Anywho, I'm not going to vent, merely inform. This blog is for everyone who's been asking for updates on my life,and mainly because I just don't want to repeat myself to each person that asks. I'm not trying to be rude, repeating certain events is just kinda like the song "The first cut is the deepest", because every cut after the first may not be as deep, but it still makes you bleed, and hurts when you soak it in vinegar :P (which I wouldn't do, how morbid! haha) Anyways to answer your questions, here we go!
Presenting the reader's digest version of noteworthy events of my semester:
"How's School going?"
-School was REALLY difficult this semester,I don't like my major anymore, but hate change so much that I've chosen to finish it whether I like it or not. Despite my REALLY hard classes, academically, I think I survived. We'll find out in 2-4 weeks.
"Why's the semester so hard, and what happened with your car?"
School was already hard, my confidence in general wasn't super awesome, and Halfway through the semester I was notified my scholarship, that was funding my tuition, was terminated. (oh yea, you soooo did NOT want to be my roommate that week!) I was NOT a happy camper considering It was completely not my fault and completely out of my hands. I hate it when I have no control. Fortunately my very generous and merciful parents covered my expenses for the time being, and EVENTUALLY, I was able to get my scholarship reinstated. That was a good day.
-If you read my blog, you'll know that my car was hit in my parking lot (picture in previous post). One day in the mail I received a generous check from my oldest brother, in order to cover most of the cost to get the damages repaired. WOW. Can you say best brother award for the century?! So over Thanksgiving break my daddy surprised me and took my car in to get the body work repaired. Corolla was BE-AUT-I-FUL! They repainted her bald spot and she was in mint condition. Then on the way out of town to go back to Rexburg, The roads were tremendously slick and we slid through a red light at an intersection (strike 1), hitting a sweet old man with an oxygen tank (strike 2) in a Chrysler Crossfire. (yea, that's a sports car. strike 3) Needless to say, Corolla isn't so perfect anymore but muuuch better off than the car we hit. That wasn't a great day. But, despite the super sketchy driving and weather, we were lucky enough to get to and from Spokane safely, and more importantly I was able to go home for Thanksgiving which I reeeaaallly needed. (plus I bought an antique dresser that I LOVE. Martha Stewart would be so proud.)
" Are you dating anyone?" "What's going on with "Jim"? ("Jim" is the code name for my previous boyfriend)"
- Yes, I will mention my relationship situation. You were all waiting for it, and though I would like to avoid the topic, it kind of ties into everything else so here goes. Many are aware I was dating someone last spring. We'll call him... Jim. We broke up because we were on different tracks at school and there was an 8 month separation. I dated other people, but had a hard time steady dating other people because I didn't have closure on the last relationship and had some hopes for the future. Halfway through the semester one fine gentleman I'd been dating, shot a little e-mail to Jim stating his intentions and asking Jim to figure out what he wanted so that I could have closure and move on. Though he didn't know what he wanted to do at first, Jim's conclusion was that he wanted to date again if I was in Rexburg in the winter. So what did I do? What any twitterpated 19 year old would do! I decided that even though I had no housing, no money and no job, I'd find some way, in this deathly frozen town, to stay. Things felt like they were falling into place; with the help of my parents, I found housing, got my scholarship back and all that was left was to find a job and wait for January. I'm still working on that job searching. (wwwaaaayyyy easier said than done.)Anyway, long story short, the night before my last final, Jim changed his mind, which I can't say I was surprised about, I sensed that would happen. It was nothing the typical break up regime couldn't fix! What's that? Let me tell you. (disclaimer: This may make me look like a psycho, and is probably more than I want people to know but, hey! who reads this anyway?) So. 1. get dummmmped (or rejected in some way) 2. Lay on the bathroom floor and cry until your lungs fill with saltwater, your make up is completely gone and your eyes are burning. 3. Feel reeeeaaally insecure about the fact you just carried out step two, and cry a little more because you feel stupid. 4. CALL MOM! That poor woman, she alllways knows a storm is coming if I call her on the weekends or late in the evening. (in this particular case, 2 a.m., I have the best mom EVER.) 5. Mom tells you everything you need to hear, and then tells you to go to bed. (usually because it's late, most likely because She wants to go to bed ;) 6. Go to bed. Nuff said. 7. Spend the next few weeks listening to sad country love songs that TOTALLY describe how you are feeling, and try to move on and get over the rejection you TOTALLY blew out of proportion. Some personal favorites: "I can't make you love me" -Bonnie Raitt, "Miss me baby" -Chris Cagle, "The best I've ever had" (Gary Allen version), "Stay with me" -Josh Gracin, "Cry" -Faith Hill, and " Remember me" or pretty much any Tim McGraw song. These next few are not country but are sooo appropriate for break-ups: "If it means a lot to you" -A Day to Remember (<-- personal Fav.), "Just a Dream" -Nelly, "You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds" (long title I know) -Mayday Parade. Yea, just a taste if you need a good break-up playlist. Pretty sure my roommate Caitlyn has all of those songs memorized from me playing them so often hahaha. Oh, and I work out. a lot. So basically, in a nut shell, I'm single, jobless and most definitely staying in Rexburg during the blood chilling months of winter. Also, GUESS. WHAT. I. DID? Something I regret very much. Have you ever heard the song "I look so good without you" by Jessie James? It's a great song if you need a pick me up, even if you don't feel the way the lyrics proclaim. anyway, the chorus says, "I look so good without you Got me a new hairdo Lookin' fresh and brand new since you said that we were through" Hearing this, what do you think I did? Yooou guess it! I decided to go to Paul Mitchell and get a haircut. One was desperately needed, as was a nice head massage to relieve the tension of finals and the previous cry fest. Well, it was very counter productive. The student cut my hair kinda like a mullet, and gave me bangs. BANGS! I did NOT want BANGS!!!! I paid my $9.00, sat in my car and cried. Went home, and decided with my roommate Brittani, that we were going to fix this. What fixes a hair cut you ask? It's permanent right? Well... apparently dying it BLACK fixes bad haircuts. wow. It's been an exhausting week. haha now I have very Edgy hair that might look good one someone else, but rather than "lookin fresh and brand new" I just kinda feel... not me. I don't think I'm gonna get my hair cut at Paul Mitchell again any time soon. Pictures? oh I'll give you pictures. I have my hair pulled back, like I probably will for the next 3 months to hide the mullet layers. And I cheated and used photobooth, because photobooth on my macbook takes much more appealing pictures.

Look mom. I'm okay. And I feel kinda like Edna Mode. I think I'll really take off with that. The possibilities are endless.

Do you see it? Well fine... who asked what you thought anyway? hahaha

And here I'm a monkey. Why? Because I can be. and I'm bored. home alone. and single. Why am I single? I mean really... Who wouldn't want this?!?! ( hahahaha oh I slay myself paaaahahahahaha)
back to business....
"But Valerie, why not go home?!"
Well, my housing is paid for and at this point, non-refundable. It's alright though, I've realized that had I decided to go home, Wondering what could have been and being alone, working at good ol' DQ, might have driven me to insanity and mild violence upon something innocent and cuddly. That, or I would have eaten my weight in all the stress baking I would have subjected my family to. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely homesick. I want to go home very badly. But against what I want, staying in Rexburg is probably better for me.
- On a brighter note, I lost 5 pounds this semester! That pleases me :) haha and The Gospel of Jesus Christ is still very much true. (Which is just excellent.) And against all odds, the sun still rises. Every. freakin. day. haha
Moving on.
"Are you coming home for Christmas?"
At this point, I have no clue. I'm staying in Rexburg until the 22nd, earning a tiny bit of cash cleaning some apartments. Then, I'm driving down to Vegas to meet my familia there, and then going to Arizona. I probably could go home, but A. Gas is expensive, and I'd prefer to buy groceries next month. B. I don't want to drive 8 hours alone. and C. I HATE winter driving. Thanksgiving break confirmed that it is straight up scary! yea.. no bueno. If I can get a ride back to Rexburg from Spokane, I'll go home, but at this point I have no plan. If there's anything I've learned this semester, it's that I cannot plan for anything, because I have no control over too many things. My new life mantra is to just fly by the seat of my pants wherever the wind takes me. We'll see how that goes...
Anyway, that's it in a nut shell. Pretty sure this blog was waaaay more information than I wanted anyone to know, but at least It'll save me a loooot of explaining. Oh, and please don't ask for more details. If you do, I'll probably tell you some, but I really don't want to. please and thank you. Also, "Jim" is still a wonderful person. None of what had happened is his fault and we are still good friends. The feelings were mutual, just a bummer, and that's life. Also, I'd really like for you to humor the whole "Break up" section. Laugh about it, it's okay. I promise I'm not as much of a crazy as I sound. or am I? dun dun duuunnn haha. For now, I'm chillin in Rexburg with plenty of quality Me time.
ALSO. I think I want to start a new blog. ideas? My friend Shelley suggested a baking blog, and showed me a suuper cute blog called "The Daybook" that had me inspired. Needless to say, I'm not nearly as cute, and witty as the blogger of "The Daybook", nor am I married which doubles her cuteness factor, but all the same, I could use a change.
Thanks for bearing with this post. Thanks for checking up on me. I hope I put everyone's questions to rest, and have a wonderful Christmas!!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

oh mommy, you are oh so funny...

Sometimes I think my mom is just so clever... She e-mailed me a random quote the other day, and... well....
"On Oct 1, 2010, at 3:35 PM, Brenda Braun wrote:

How's this for an interesting quote...

"A man fall's in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears."

On Oct 1, 2010, at 6:36 PM, Valerie wrote:

those are interesting. I think I'm a man. hehehe

On Oct 1, 2010, at 11:10 PM, Brenda Braun wrote:

I remember changing your diapers... you are definitely not a man."

Her last phrase definitely made me laugh out loud. Thanks Mom. Speaking of laughing, I think that baby picture is proof that I may have been fed mercury infused milk. That or someone, somewhere dropped me one too many times :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Life can be such a roller coaster sometimes! Makes me wish I ate a lighter lunch :/

College is hard. Period.
If it's not hard, you were born on a bed of four leaf clovers, or aren't working hard enough.
We all know this. Some have been there, done that, some are there now, and some are anxiously awaiting in blissful ignorance.
Don't get me wrong, I love college, but some days are just so much better than others. I'm in the same boat as everyone else on campus worrying about homework, saving every penny to afford to eat, and wondering if I'm remotely appealing to the opposite sex... But sometimes you just feel like its just you; floundering above the surface alone. You know those days. The ones where someone asks how you are doing and the only polite and un-depressing description you can give is "It's just one of those days"? Well today might have fit under that category. For your entertainment I'll start from the beginning.
9:30- I woke up (not feeling like P-diddy mind you. I go to bed at 2 am, I promise I'm not that lazy)
11:30- Class. Guess what, I really do enjoy learning. I daresay I love it. It's just unfortunate I'm forced to learn the material so fast that it may not stick :(
2:00 come home feeling sick. (I've had an intolerance to dairy the last week or so. Which doesn't make me a happy camper. That's what I get for working at Dairy Queen for 2 1/2 years) I also receive a text from my brother asking if there was previously a dent on the back bumper of my car.... FYI there wasn't, but I wasn't too concerned.
3:00 Go to the library and attempt to be a good student.
6:00 Come home, go to check out my car. Cry. That "small" dent I'd imagined happens to be the size of my face.
6:05 Find my roommate Caitlyn, and cry more. It's dumb to cry about something I cannot change. This I know, and frankly I never thought I'd react in the manner I did regarding my car. But I think it was just a match to a gas can of frustration. I'm gonna explain how I am like a man in this way: My car is my baby. I worked A LOT in high school to earn enough money to purchase it, and have payed the price (quite literally) to keep it in good shape. I wax it, armor all the interior, vacuume, keep it clean, touch up little paint chips, my daddy takes care of the maintenance like oil changes, I pay for "great" insurance, moral of the story, I love this little car! I get it, accidents happen... but this car is the only thing I really have of serious value next to my laptop. Now I feel like it has a tramp stamp. What bothers me most I think is that I didn't even get into an accident! It was a hit and run. Happy birthday to me. I understand we are all poor college students, it was probably an accident, and maybe they panicked... but come on! Who leaves a dent that big, and not a note to even say sorry :( needless to say, If you aren't aware, I am devastated. I called my mom who happens to be my Diary, poor woman. She said something kind of sad... she said "Why is it every time you call me you are crying?" (disclaimer, I call her daily, I'm not always crying) but I know why that's the case. I told her it's because I miss her. I haven't been homesick in the past but I am this time. I miss my mommy. I've never been the super touchy-lovey affectionate type, and though I rarely cuddle up to my mommy, I miss knowing that if I needed to lay on her lap, she wasn't too far away. I suppose it's those times when things feel unbearable that you yearn to be back in the comfort of your childhood home where troubles melted like lemon drops. That's my explanation. Anyway, I called my mommy... and cried even more. Dang I'm a baby. Turns out that $500 fat ones I drop twice a year for car insurance is not as kind to me as I am to it. I promise I'm not That materialistic, It's just circumstances like these that add to my already existent financial stress don't settle well. Even if I wanted to make the repair on my car, I do not have enough money for it. I get it, I'm lucky to have a car at all. Moving on...
6:45 I Prepared a lesson for Family Home Evening and fixed my make-up. As if I wasn't already running late (great first impression) My printer decides to rebel against me. Not cool.
7:00 I went to FHE, my new "Family" is wonderful. I'm very excited.
Funny story about my roommate Lindsay. Last night we went to a fireside for our stake. Caitlyn decided to draw a picture of an elephant and write "for a fun date, call Lindsay. (with her number)" on it. The fireside concludes and when the guys in front of us stand up, Lindsay tells them they dropped the paper, and hands them the drawing. then hauls it out of there! What she did not know was that they are our new FHE brothers.
8:15 With that little story in mind, we decided to dress in all black and draw on their front porch, with sidewalk chalk, and elephant with the words "Call for a fun date!" including our numbers. It was loads of fun! That lifted my spirits.
We come home, and my bed collapses, I broke my cell phone charger, and my printer is still being a stink. Awesome. My brother comes over and hangs out for a while, and fixes all my problems (the ones we could at least). I spend the rest of the evening taking care of other little things and trying to not think about my car.

I'll admit I've had a few small melt downs while at school, but let me tell you something... I think... I might be okay. I have no idea what I'm doing, and as someone who must always have a plan, all of this unknown future scares the tar out of me. I don't know where I'll be living and working in the next 3 months let alone in the future. All the same, I'm trying to wake up every morning thinking today is a new day to be happy. Happy that I'm 19 and generally healthy. Happy that I share a room with one of my patient, and closest friends. Happy that I can get an education, have access to the internet and clean running water. And happy that I have the fullness of the gospel in my life. Here's a great little video I'd recommend watching, I sure have been a lot lately. It's a keeper :) I don't know if anyone really reads this but If someone does, I'm sorry for the Debbie downer post. Life is a roller coaster, today I sure felt like was one! With its ups and downs, sometimes we even throw up, but most of the time you get off of it in one piece, thinking, "that was a fun ride".
"Life is good. It is oh so good." -Stephanie Neilsen.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

"You didn't have to run!"

Here I sit, enjoying a cinnamon Roll, consciously coming in and out of the conversation happening in my living room... this is what I hear.
".... Jacob Ray: I spent a lot of time in physical therapy because of you!
Caitlyn: Oh That makes me feel good that you thought about me. You didn't have to run!
Caitlyn: Well it's not my fault that you chose to run! You seriously did not have to run...
Jacob Ray: yea.. It was a cold day, why wouldn't I let you hose me down with super soakers! With my phone and my wallet in my pocket..
Caitlyn: you told us to! you said "if you had the balls to kidnap me, Then I would come over there and let you take me"...
Jacob Ray: First of all, I would never tell a girl to have balls, because that is just wrong.
Caitlyn: Whatever... greatest night ever."
Who let these people in my apt? oh... right... one sleeps in the bed next to me. Awesome. :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Just for the record...

We live in a busy and ambitious world. It's fast pace, accustomed to instant gratification and everything appears to be backed by fact. If there is not undoubted proof, it must not be true right? Let me make something very clear. I'm a perfectionist in a bad way, that is overwhelmed by my own imperfections. I can't seem to ever be happy with a cake I make, and can never do a card trick without the fear It won't work. My grades aren't perfect no matter how much I study. My body isn't perfect and probably never will be. My room is never the perfect temperature, my handwriting is never perfectly even. My posture is imperfect, I sometimes forget to read my scriptures, and can't do math of almost ANY kind without a calculator. I could go on and on about my self absorbed imperfections and shortcomings or how my hair never sits just perfectly, but if there is anything I DO know (and it's probably the only thing I know without a shadow of a doubt) that is that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is perfectly true in every way. Sometimes it may seem like things contradict each other, and more often than not I may not understand why God does the things he does, but the fact of the matter is this. I'm not perfect, I am still learning, and until I know everything (which will never happen) I will most likely misunderstand some things. We are not meant to understand everything God does, but to obey him and abide in faith, believing that what he does is correct and for our betterment. The Church is a perfect gospel run by imperfect people and may come off as such. Just because a recipe is perfect does not mean that the manner in which I prepare it will be. For reasons I may never understand, My Lord and Savior loves me perfectly. He himself established his gospel on the earth and even with him as the acting minister, it was sometimes rejected. His gospel left the earth after his death and has been restored. It is not a man-made church but imperfect men act as servants to the lord to sustain it. I know that the Book of Mormon is pure truth. If you have read any of it, you may understand just that. Sometimes I feel like we are so focused on the components of the cake that we miss the dessert entirely. Scriptorians and historians may try to disprove its truth but the fact remains as this: How on earth could a 14 year old boy with a third grade education POSSIBLY make up or write anything so close to scripture without it being of God. Seeing how much he sacrificed to sustain this "lie" is testament enough of it's truth. I know we have a living prophet who continues to give us counsel that the Lord wants us to know for this day in age, for us specifically. I do not have a perfect knowledge of anything outside of the fact that my mother is my mother, but I know this: The Church of Jesus Christ is true. Complex and sometimes "unconventional", when it comes to the works of God, it would have to be, because God has organized things that we as people may never fully comprehend. I guess that is why we are his children and he is our Father. I love this Gospel with all my heart, and it's truthfulness penetrates my soul far deeper than any doubts could scrape. If anyone actually reads this, know it is not meant to offend others of different denominations, merely to make clear a point. There isn't anything that would make me deny it because despite my natural instincts to follow the most visually appealing, entertaining and charismatic of teachings, or to have instant gratification and proof of all aspects in my life, I know my savior and it's within this gospel he resides. More aspects then not are very imperfect within my life, this however is not one of them.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Daydream traveling Poem

Mr. Travel agent, I need to buy a ticket...
travel to the corners of my seemingly vacant mind and meditate.
There I will find solace til bang bang bang someone pounds in my mind the information I don't really care about. Hey.. HEY, are you awake?! I am... but not for you. I'm having lemonade with my childhood memories so if you don't have something vitally important to say, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can, but for now I'll sit and replay my day, with me as the leading lady. For now, I'll sit on the feathery beaches and watch my brainwaves go by, For now I'll gaze at the twinkling sky and reach for the stars in my eyes, my eyes which watch my feet to avoid eye contact with the pressure. My feet which take me to the places I go to escape reality. The places I go which determine who I am. For now I'll stay put and find beauty in my ignorant mind, my blissful, melancholic, racing mind. One which creativity is often mistaken for insanity, but only to those that can't experience it. It's beautiful, I wish you could only see.
Hey... Hey are you awake?!
Yes... I'll send you a postcard.

Friday, August 27, 2010

My mother called herself a Retard... does that make me a retard Jr.?

We all have areas where we feel inferior to someone who is perhaps more skilled in that category. My younger brother is much more skilled at the Piano than I am, and my friend Kaelynn is a far better runner. When it comes to math, I feel like a second grader could succeed more so than myself. But likewise, If someone wants a portrait drawn or a batch of cookies whipped up, I'm confident I can do so with the end result being satisfactory. Fact. No one likes to feel stupid. No one likes to feel like a "retard". ... Retard? We throw this phrase around so loosely as an insult towards someone that has done something dumb. I'll admit I've done it before, I think most of us have, but how correct is this statement? I do not think anyone really means offense by it, they are just saying they are performing less adequately then they should.It's very unfortunate that that connection is made to those with "special needs". Something has dawned on me recently. I think that those that are diagnosed with retardation, are not retarded at all but rather everyone else that is considered normal, are the ones that perform less adequately. look at the way those with down syndrome treat the people around them. They are kind, and happy. They don't dwell on the imperfections of the world but rather grasp what's truly important, people, joy, ect. and when they aren't happy, they do not stay upset for long. Imagine how wonderful the world would be if we were all like that! I recently saw video about a remarkable medical mystery regarding a girl with severe autism. She throws tantrums, slaps her surroundings and is not even able to speak or communicate, until one day she sits at a computer and types. She types beautifully worded and intelligent thoughts to communicate how she feels. She explains that she is a prisoner to her body, and though she knows right from wrong, she cannot control her impulses. Carly, this remarkable autistic girl explains that her brain is wired differently than others, it appears to me that she is in fact, far more superior to the average person intellectually and because of this, It's too much for her mind and body to handle. She has extreme sensitivity to sounds, smells, taste, and touch, it's like mental overload. If I were able to be aware of all the conversations, sounds, and smells around me at once, I'm sure I'd go crazy too! I read a journal entry I'd written last fall while at school after I'd observed a blind man on campus. one day I was sitting in a building trying to figure out a math problem. In walked a blind man whom I'd seen around campus a lot. He was a music major, and from what I've heard is very talented. He had a walking stick but as I watched him, I noticed he hardly used it at all. It was incredible! I sat in awe as he weaved himself between the tables to take his seat. He did not even stumble. In my mind I recalled how I'd run into a chair on my way through that very same route earlier. I continued to do my math and began getting frustrated with what I was doing, I put my head in my hands and tried to calm down. Then I looked up. The blind man was staring at me. I know he couldn't SEE me, but he was looking directly at me tables away. And then, he smiled. I don't know what he was smiling about, But it felt like he was smiling at me. In a world so busy, I found it ironic that sometimes I can feel invisible to those around me, and here I was left with the impression that this blind man, was the only one who was aware I was there. Perhaps it was with his acute hearing that he heard me sigh or softly groan in frustration, but the fact of the matter was he was lacking the most obvious senses in which most people notice others, and yet he knew I was there. Normally, it's easy to think that I have an unfair advantage to those that are blind, because I can see however, it's with this experience that I can't help but conclude that blind people do in fact see more than I do, just not with their eyes. People in general are simply amazing, but I've begun to admire so much more those that we cast aside as disabled. I make mistakes, we all do, but frankly if someone wants to call me retarded I do not believe I am worthy of such a compliment. I'm currently an Art education major, but I think I've realized that what I really want to do is work with the special education department. Thoughts? Who knows, maybe this is just a phase but we'll see how it all turns out. Here is the link to that video I mentioned. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Natalie: What do you want for dinner?
Me: corndogs.
Natalie: there's only 2 left.
Me: That's okay, I only need one.
Natalie: How about Spaghetti?
Me: I hate spaghetti.
Natalie: great! We're having Spaghetti!

Thus is my life.

20 minutes later.... My mom and Natalie bring Spaghetti noodles up from the basement. I kindly take them (and put them in my shirt, desperate times call for desperate measures)

10 minutes later...
Me: Mom, I really don't want spaghetti.
Mom:That's fine, you don't have to have spaghetti.
Me: If I take the Spaghetti noodles out of my shirt can I trust you won't make Spaghetti?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Then why is there water boiling?
Mom: Because I'm making spaghetti.
Me: Then I'm not taking the spaghetti noodles out of my shirt :)
Mom: Ok, then you can explain to everyone at Dairy Queen why you have spaghetti noodles in your shirt.

Fail. (touche mom, touche) Score: Mom: 1 point. Natalie: 1 point. Valerie: 0 points.

5 minutes later..
Natalie walks in the room.
Natalie: Mom, where's the spaghetti?!
Mom: I don't have time to make it..
Natalie: Mom, you have failed!

current score: Mom: 1 point. Natalie: 1 point and Valerie:10 POINTS!!! The world is mine!!!

10 minutes later...
(Me: Mom, i need that picture you took for my blog.
Mom: oh here, now you can download it.
Mom proceeds to pull a whole camera and downloading cord out of her purse! Who does that?! And what else does she have hidden in that tiny purse?! only a mom... only a mom.)

After i download the picture:
Me: Dang I look naaaasty in this picture.
Mom: Yes you do!
Thanks mom... thanks.
current score Mom: 1 point. Natalie: 1 point. Valerie: 9 points (-1 for unattractive photo :) Again... thus is my life.

5 minutes later a girl in the ward that i don't know shows up for Beehives. My mom introduces us as such...
Mom: This is my daughter Valerie. She's 19 and goes to BYU-Idaho, she's just home for the break. and yes, that IS 2 lbs of spaghetti noodles under her shirt.
Me: Now you are just trying to rank up your points!
well done mom... 5 points.

5 minutes later, Steven comes home.
Steven: Why is Valerie's chest in a rectangular shape?
Me: Why do you gotta point it out?! ... i didn't want spaghetti for dinner.
Steven: oh! okay :) (makes sense)... Steven doesn't like spaghetti either. Win :)

I know what you are thinking... (actually, hopefully you have better things to think about... but if not..) you are are thinking what did they end up having for dinner?!
Mommy made corndogs :) (2 points Valerie) and a yummy spinach salad!
...wait... you like salad?! so do I !!! here's the recipe, it's a must try

Summer Spinach salad (compliments to Lisa Slarks)
1 small package slivered almonds
1/4 cup sugar
cook together until sugar coated.
2 large bunches of spinach, cleaned
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained
Sliced red onion
fresh fruits- strawberries, blueberries, kiwi, raspberries or grapes!

mix dressing in blender-
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp paprika
6 TBls grated red onion
1/4 cup vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp Dry mustard
3/4 cup canola oil
1-2 Tbs poppy seeds

current score: Mom: 6 points. Natalie: 1 measly point! Valerie: 11 points and a corndog. Yes.
I think I'll take the spaghetti noodles out of my shirt now...

Sometimes it's okay to eat ice cream and run.

Often, we look back on "easier" times in our lives and think, "remember those days when all I had to worry about was...". Come on, we all do it. When I was in fifth grade I'd look back and remember the good ol' days when my biggest concern was if I'd finish playing barbies in time to catch my favorite episode of Rugrats. When I was in High school and was working 2 jobs thinking life couldn't get harder, I'd look back to the days of middle school when I could finish all my homework in class and played with friends everyday. And now that I am in college, I envy the days when I actually had a job and could finish my homework before going to sleep at a decent hour. It was at a young age that I realized after graduating from high school, comes college and after college comes real life (and taxes!) and it just continues to get harder until you die. Wherever we are in the journey, we want to be at that next step, and then once we get there, we miss the past when things were simpler. I think we can all agree that we always want what we can't have, and once we have it, it loses its appeal. Now I'm not in school until september and knowing what I now know, I'm uneasy about what's to come. I currently go to sleep at 2 and wake up at 10, get stressed when my work outs don't reap results or am overwhelmed with frustration when I burn my baking endeavors. I miss my boyfriend and am not getting as many hours at Dairy Queen as i'd like, but since I know that it only gets harder from here, I think I'm doing a much better job of appreciating the trials I'm facing at this point in my life. It's only going to get crazier when school starts and on top of needing to work, being concerned with my grades and health... something is clear. Everything works out. always. Not always in the way that is ideal or convenient, but always in a way that is manageable. I have a heavenly father who is mindful of me and how frustrated I am when I gain a pound or bomb a test, and though sometimes I want to be upset, the fact remains that I know despite shortcomings, he is still mindful of me. I can't pout when I know everything will always work out! it's hardly fair ;) I once heard a quote in a movie that said "I've done some research, and statistics show that 10 out of 10 people...die. So really, why worry?" ...why worry. It's ok. It's hard to bomb a test, you studied so hard for, so cry. dwell for a few minutes, go for a walk to calm down (or bake cookies if you are me) and then move on! because mourning the lost success will not change the outcome. Yesterday I woke up, went for a run and ate ice cream. I watched a movie with my friend, and then worked out some more because I felt guilty about eating the ice cream. I love baking and since I took a culinary class suddenly think that I'm just naturally going to be good at it. I decided to make eclairs (easier said than done). After trying to get the batter correct for an hour, I was called into work, and burned the eclairs. I cried. I was frustrated, felt inadequate and very unaccomplished. So after work, I ate more ice cream! (and here i wonder why i'm not losing weight haha) but ya know what? This morning the craziest thing happened... the sun rose! It's true! The world kept turning, the newspaper man still dropped off the paper, and my eclairs were still burned. This is what I learned. Sometimes the eclairs are going to burn. Sometimes it's ok to eat ice cream and run. Because despite whatever happens on one day, the next day is a chance for a fresh start. Just because I don't know how to long divide well, doesn't mean that tomorrow I can't learn to do long division well! It's a beautiful thing. This post ended up being a lot longer and more random then I intended so for that i apologize... maybe I should take my own advice and save it for the journal! With that being said, I think I'll go work out :)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

blogging: is it all it's cracked up to be???

Having never "blogged" before, I'm not really sure how to go about it. Is it really how it's portrayed in "Julie & Julia" where if YOU have thoughts then SOMEONE out there is bored enough to care about them? Or is it just my generations form of keeping a journal... that lacks in privacy and personality. After all, you cannot glue ticket stubs or doodle scene by scene replays of events in a blog... all you have to carry you is your words and since its on the internet you'd better have something worthwhile to say! Otherwise, you'll always be remembered as the conformer who blundered the blogger bandwagon with nothing more than a day by day replay of everything from Juniors first bath to how much money you saved coupon clipping this week. It's time to ask ourselves "do people really care?" and if they don't... why should it matter? They do not have to read it. If it's important for YOU to remember and YOU are excited about the scrapbook paper you got on sale, then feel free, join the club. But knowing that on the internet you do not have your stylish clothes or fabulous baking skills to win your popularity, It's time to decide this. Am I interesting in what I say or am I portraying a personality dryer than aunt Shelley's Tofurkey on Thanksgiving day. The way I see it is no one wants to spend the time writing, if what people will be reading is bland. So here's my goal, I'll try to add a little Ms. Dash to this Tofurkey, if you are taking the time to read it. Deal? (and I'll try to save the complaints about too much homework and bad traffic for my real journal;) so hear goes nothing. We're on the air in 5...4...3...2...1...rolling!