Friday, June 3, 2011

Birth control? They should call it OUT OF CONTROL!

Before we begin, I must make a disclaimer. 1. My future mother in law is not allowed to read this. I love you, however, I'd prefer you don't see that I'm potentially a lunatic until after you are stuck with me. 2. I'm not usually a lunatic. actually, normally I'm only about 75% as crazy as I'm about to sound. With that being said, lets begin. From the title of my blog, I'm sure you guessed it. I'm on birth control. I've been on it for about 3 weeks, and had myself under the impression that with my super human abilities, I would dodge all of the emotional madness that people claim come with it. I couldn't have been more wrong. I secretly believe now that the church encourages it's members to pro-create, multiply and replenish, and don't wait to have children, partially because they do not want their Relief Society presidents, visiting teachers, and LDS housewives to turn into ravenous bears with one thought and one thought only: kill. Kill anyone and anything that breathes-their-air. Ok, that was a little harsh (and probably sacrilegious). I'll probably look back on this and think "oh Valerie, you should NEVER write blogs when you are moody" but lets face it people, it's only fair to warn you, you mess with the bull, you're gonna get the horns. Horns you didn't even know existed. :) For those of you who have little knowledge of birth control, let me enlighten you.
You may be on birth control if:
-You get the urge to cry during class, when you are reading, when someone says hi, while walking to class, when you're trying to fall asleep, etc.
-You actually DO cry when you get dressed in the morning, at the beginning of each class (when the prayer is said and the spiritual thought is given), when you take a bath, when the wind blows a little bit harder than you'd prefer, and when you pass a worm that has been stepped on (and you think you've got it tough? you don't eat dirt.)
-You have no appetite except for crushed ice, and cereal.
-You cry because you have no milk for your cereal. Yes, this may be the end of you.
-Your skin clears up. At least the universe isn't entirely bent on your destruction.
-It takes you 4 hours to do one. dumb. assignment. I know people, this is college, but there's a point where its hard, and there's a point where you're going insane. This, my friends, is insanity.
-You are depressed. Angry. Nervous. and SUPER tired, all in one day.
-Things that normally make you happy, are disgusting and nauseating. Like affection. or chocolate. (depending on the day)
-You want to smack that sorry smile off of every happy person on campus. (extreme? yes. exaggeration? You'd best pray so.)
-This picture sums up how you're pretty much feeling...
-This picture sums up how you're probably making others feel...
-You don't want to talk to, see, or breathe the same air as anyone. There's a reason I stay in my room, you can slip the ice under my door, and thank me later :)
-If your roommate picks up that guitar one. more. time. heads...are gonna... roll. (You know who you are. I love you. just nooot as much this week as last week or the ones in the future.)
-You wear a Mario shirt to class. It's Friday. I don't really feel like looking good, I only have one class... don people not know how cool I am? Don't they know Mario only looks dorky on everyone else except me? Apparently not, and since I left my spit wads at home, you (Miss-Banana Republic shirt, Toms shoes, and juicy couture handbag-) get to live another day without saliva soaked toilet paper embedded in your perfectly curled-the wind can't touch me- hair. AND because I'm especially kind and merciful, I'll let you keep your face despite the "oh. my. gosh. That girl's really wearing a Super Mario shirt? Here let me loan you a paper bag for your head" expression. I love people.
With all this being said, If I do not answer your phone calls, wave at you on campus, or say "I love you too", know, that hopefully, this too shall pass.
AND if you see this girl with this Mario shirt on campus. Run. As if your life depends on it. (because this week it just might.)

oh yea... That's a good lookin shirt. Thanks Erryn.


  1. Some birth controls aren't for everyone. The kind I was on when Andy and I got married messed me up! I was so moody, practically bipolar and had 98.4% of your symptoms. I felt horrible for how mean I was and decided after a few months that if I wanted a happy husband and wanted to stay married, I needed to be happy too so I switched. Soooooooo much better!! I hated feeling so out of control. So maybe try a different kind? Someone told me that birth control tricks your body into thinking you are prego so the way you are on BC is the way you will be when prego. Wrongo! I was nothing like I was on the BC. Anywho,text/call me for more info if you want :)

  2. Uhhhh should I be worried? I could recommend my therapist.

    Really though. I'm scared. Is this how it is for everyone? I feel like this a lot already sooooo added hormones are no bueno. Maybe your symptoms will pass?

  3. Ha! I'm crying because you're hilarious. My daughter is crying because I was paying attention to you and not her.

  4. Val! Oh my gosh! Seriously i know exactly what you are talking about with this birth control CRAZY!!! only at least your birth control made you clear up...mine kind of had the opposite effect on me. boo. But I decided to stop taking anything. Its just not worth it at all! I hope you guys find something that works for you cause being crazy=not fun at all. :)


Oh hey! You're awesome.