Halloween weekend is pretty much the biggest party weekend on any college campus. It's a time where you can be whoever you want, and for most people, that means a less modest person than they are (aka Slut-tay). Anywho, We had to do sooomething, after all, the options appeared endless, so to D.I. we went, without a clue of what we'd come out with.
Breanne found a red jumpsuit that we couldn't resist and from there we brainstormed. What to be? I heard some girls walk behind me looking for overalls. They were going to be construction people. "Sexy" construction people. Someone else was looking for nerdy gettup. "Sexy" Nerd gettup. We began running out of ideas, but whatever we decided to be, apparently it had to be sexy.
We refuse. As much as I loooove to fit in, this was just too much. And alas, we reached a conclusion.
Can you say "sexy can I"?
That's right. We became crayons. But not just any crayons: Sexy crayons. Can't you tell? I don't know if it was the make-up, or the figure flattering clothes, but we were down right irresistible.
Ya know.... we just aim to please the people.
And this... This one's for America!
Needless to say, it was going dooooown.
So we went to a dance party, those are fun right?
Costume: $10, Ticket to get in: $5, compromising your morals: priceless?
Seriously, it was a blast for the first little bit, but after seeing enough grinding, skin, and the lack of garments where I'm sure some should have been worn, we were out. Which is fine, the cops came a shut the place a few minutes after. Gay.
On a brighter note, for every 20 sick-nasty costumes we saw, there was an awesome one. My personal favorite: the pac men.
AND we found a fellow crayon. Rock on girl, rock on.
I ran into an old friend from high school who surely isn't old enough to be in college! He basically made my night.
Then we went to Horkley's, the gas station who in undergoing a recent name change to become "Great Scotts".
If you take a picture there and post it on their facebook page, you get your picture on the wall. Life goal right there. Done.
Today I'll admit I was a little off... I don't know if it's because I got 4 hours of sleep, ate nothing that's first ingredient wasn't sugar or high fructose corn syrup, or forgot my happy dose, but yes, I was kinda wiped.
Lemme tell you about halloween.
Some things that made me smile:
-Seeing a female professor from the back and thinking "dang, sister doesn't know how to use a hair brush.. " Seriously, she looked like she stuck her hand in an electrical socket... then I saw her from the front and realized she was dressed up as professor Trelany from HP. Ohhhh.... right. I guess you're less of a freak than I thought...
-I made treats for extra credit in a class. Though I was up til the weeee hours of the morning, they were dang easy, and flippin good. Thanks Nabisco for your contribution to my grade.
(Double stuffed oreos dipped in white chocolate almond bark, a green apple sour candy ring, junior mints. YUUUUM!)
Look Mom, they are eyeballs! I'm so prepared for those elementary school Halloween parties I'm bound to be suckered into someday.
- Someone knocked at our door. We yelled "Come iiiiin!" no one came... "come iiiiiin!" ..... nothing... "COME IN!" ...Nothing. We open the door to find ourselves face to face with... a door. ... what the?! There was a sign that said "knock for candy". uh... okay. Knock knock knock. Our home teacher swings it open, in a ninja costume, and offers candy. Now that's what I call trick or treating.
-I found this picture I took my junior year of high school. It still makes me laugh a little...
That's high quality education right there. (it's supposed to say "no food, drink, backpacks, beepers, or phones. Parents with infants please use quiet room")
And there she is in a nut shell. A pretty uneventful Halloween, but in some cases, I guess that's good.
You've sort of disappeared the last few months, but it's about time for you to come back.
You need to come back.
I can't do this alone anymore.
I heard it was cold where you went, and that you were scared sometimes. I'm glad you've decided to start endeavoring home; that home inside yourself where you are comfortable again, and happy, and whole. I know it's been kind of a tough road back.
I also know that's an understatement.
It may still take a little while, but I'm glad you are trying. I wish it were warmer here, but it's ok, we can keep each other warm. Mom sent hot chocolate :)
Ya know that phrase you often think about that goes something like "If you treated others the way you treat yourself, would you have any friends?"... I really want to be friends again. I miss you.
I'm telling you this because I care:
It's time to forgive yourself. I know it's hard, and you wanted this so badly. I know you think it's all your fault, maybe it is, but you need to stop beating yourself up. He says he forgives you. You need to also.
Stop feeling so guilty. You cannot change the past.
Call your Mom. She worries, and will always love you, even at your worst.
Just because you made a mistake, and it hurt pretty bad, doesn't mean you don't deserved to be loved by anyone. You do. I know you are still scared, but put yourself out there again. You've been broken X many times in the last year, if it happens again, you'll survive the same way you always have.
This. won't. kill. you. unless. you. let. it. But you won't, Mom taught you how to be strong. Dad taught you how to be smart.
Don't shut people out.
You aren't a burden.
You have people who love you, let them help. keeping things bottled up isn't good for you.
Do you feel like crying?
It's ok to cry. You'll feel better, plus your roommate already thinks you have overactive tear ducts. She's used to you by now.
Don't be upset with God due to what has transpired. He knows what is best, even if it takes a while for you to see what's in store.
Be confident. You're parents didn't do too shabby of a job mixing their genes together to make you.
Smile.
It's one of your best features. Dad and Dr. Ellingston worked hard to pay for and fix that mouth of yours. Plus, I think that's what attracts people to you.
People like happy people. If you want to keep the friends you have, and add to that list, you need to be the happy, and confident person I know you are capable of being.
Stop telling yourself that you are going crazy. You are more stable than you think. Don't create a self proclaiming prophecy regarding yourself that you don't like. Your mentality has so much power.
You aren't an inconvenience.
Eat healthy.
Exercise.
Sleep.
These things are good for you.
Listen, this is going to be hard to hear:
He still loves you. Try to believe it.
Just because he is moving on doesn't mean everything you had was a lie.
He still means what he said.
Stop reminiscing on how happy he made you. Live in the present, not the past.
I know you love the same music he does, but maybe you need to take a break from that stuff. Especially the songs he used to play on the guitar.
Go back to Country.
Stop imagining your future with him. It's time to delete his baby pictures, your children won't look like him. Stop planning what you are going to do for birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. You're just going to make it harder.
You will probably never live in Chile, or learn Spanish. Accept this.
It's time to put on your big girl panties.
I know it's gonna be hard, but learn to be open to love again. It may hurt again, and again, and again. That pain is real. It will always be real.
Don't think you are alone.
You aren't the only one who breaks down in private places. If you keep trying, eventually you will find someone who will make it not hurt anymore. When you find them, don't drive them away, because you deserve them.
You are blessed. So blessed.
He's cute right? And so nice... Don't dismiss him too soon,and don't scare him away. You are more of a catch than you like to think. You have something to offer.
Give yourself, and others a chance.
I know sometimes you don't want to listen to me, but always listen to the leaders you know and love:
"1. Forget not to be patient with yourself. 2. Forget not the differences between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. 3. Forget not to be happynow. 4. Forget not the why of the gospel. 5. Forget not that the Lord loves you."
-President Deiter F. Uchtdorf
I'm sorry I haven't treated you the best in the past, but I hope we can get back to where we know we can be. We can do this.
I think we all remember that why didn't I think of that moment that went down in Office and Jello History. You know what I'm talking about: when on the show "The Office", they put all of Dwight's stuff in jello molds? I don't even watch the show and I know about it! It was epic.
a few weeks ago, it was a rough time for me (obviously given the attractive pictures haha). My roommates apparently got a little bored (cough-distracted-cough) of/from homework and decided to get a little creative...
I love the fall weather, and I'm not just saying that because I'm sure mother nature can hear me and I want to be on her good side; it's the truth. I wish fall could last a little longer than 3 weeks. I woke up today, went outside and just felt good. Really good. I just kept thinking to myself, "Today is the kind of day to fall in love", whether that be in love with life, or someone else, it's all the same. It's been a while since I've felt that refreshed, and it was incredible. I wonder if that's how meth junkies feel after a relapse. ... maybe not. But if so, I totally get it.
Rexburg really is lovely sometimes, I love that the primary bugs I happen to see everywhere are ladybugs. As if girls weren't already outnumbered on this campus...
Additionally,
I really wanted to go on a picnic today. You know, the ones with bubbles, soda pops in the glass bottle, and dinosaur shaped sandwiches. It was beautiful. I need to make friends to go on picnics with me.
Anyways, I usually feel pretty good in the morning (ya know, because you haven't eaten for 8 hours and your tummy is pleasantly flat), and so I decided to go to the gym. Something about working out puts you on a health kick... at least for a few hours. So I ate a yummy pear (compliments of my brother, because fruit is too expensive for me to want to buy), and it was therapeutic to say the least.
Then I went to the ceramics studio to throw a vase. Fail. I think I could provide the whole country of Uganda with beautiful mud huts with all the dang clay I messed up on that wheel. Sure, it's cheap, but not cheap enough at this rate. Though I can't make a pot to save my life, mark my words, I can hand build like no other.
Anywho... I looked pretty hott today Ryan Mom, but you missed it. Tough nubs, that doesn't happen too often. haha
And remember those burnt brownies my mom sent me? My brother went home this weekend. Mom made him brownies. SO un-charred. ... SO unfair.
Mom, if you are reading this: I don't even need to use words for you to know my feelings on the matter... oh... you know.
Alright people, It's probably fall where you are too. Grab a pear and enjoy this pretty orange-red world. It's really something
Sometimes when you are sad, you just wanna be home in your own bed, with your own momma making dinner downstairs, and your own pillows to snuggle. Obviously, I can't really just go home whenever I want, so I don't really have that luxury, buuut I have a little visitor whom I haven't seen in a while.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Big Bunny. (Original name right? That, my friends, is the work of a 4 year old genius.)
I won't lie, she's a little different than I remember. I believe she's lost weight, must be that low fat lint diet mom put her on, because I swear she was SO much bigger last time I saw her. Also, I notice she's had a haircut. I do recall giving her a gorgeous haircut when I was 6, but I also recall only trimming so skillfully one side of her face... apparently mom didn't think I did a very good job and decided to trim the other side. Some people have no appreciation for good looks these days.
Big Bunny and I have been through a lot together. Potty training, endless Rugrats episodes, she was my female companion before I got a sister (be careful what you pray for...) and she snuggled me on countless road trips.
This past week, I needed some snuggling, and Big Bunny was on the next truck out here.
Accompaning her was some brightly colored hot chocolates (now I'm actually looking forward to snow!), some halloween yummies, aaaaand my favorite home-made brownies! Oh, they are so delectable with the chocolate chips, warm gooey caramel, charred smokey flavor....
wait...
what?
Yes, you heard right. CHARRED. SMOKE. FLAVOR.
They reminded me of the summer of 1941, upon my arrival in Auschwitz...
( :O Sorry. Sooo Inappropriate.)
Anyways, apparently the oven caught on fire.
I guess mom was so excited about those treats, she sent them to me anyway. The whole batch in fact, despite the crematorium flavor.
Mom... I'm telling you this because I care, but your baking skills...they've really let themselves go.
Juuuuust kidding. You can redeem yourself with another batch of brownies, minus the fire :)
Speaking of fire, I was going to give the lesson in Relief Society (The class for the women of my church 18+ ) on Sunday. It was on family history (riveting stuff), however, not 15 seconds into the 3rd hour, there was an electrical fire in our building, the fire alarm went off, and all evacuated.
We got sent home for good behavior. haha Somehow I keep dodging the bullet on this teaching business... sad day.
One more funny little something:
My mom sent me a picture today with the subtitle "Why does this make me think of you?"
Here's the funny part: I responded also with a picture I took last Thursday in the Library.
Here's the picture:
Great minds think alike. I am so predictable. And awesome.
Today it snowed. Check the date. You aren't crazy. Check it again. Yep... It's October 6th. Fall is my favorite season, I wish I lived in a place that had fall.
I didn't even get to use my fall clothes. Seriously, last week was summer clothes weather, and today, who cares what you are wearing, a peacoat it is.
Here they are plowing the streets so I could get to class:
Just kidding :) It was more like this:
But still... October?
Now. In case you were unaware, snow means a few things.
1. It's really only good for one thing. Cuddling. So if you don't have a sweet boy and some hot cocoa, you're SOL. (Single out of luck) Last winter was the first one I ever enjoyed.
2. Don't bother doing your hair, we're gonna be rocking the wet dog look for the next few months.
3. That's awesome that you lost 15 lbs this year... too bad no one will notice. Nice parka.
4. Red Lipstick. Do you really need an explanation? Let me direct you to someone who know's how it's done. Something about winter... and everyday just makes it okay.
5. Music is different when it starts snowing. Some start ritualistically chanting Christmas music from the frigid rooftops. I, on the otherhand, prefer to think of myself as a little more hippy. Snow necessitates the following playlist:
1. I can't make you love me (The Bon Iver cover) Or basically any Bon Iver song. Seriously.
2. Missing parts by Jeff Pianki (I feel like he's one of the mementos I got from the divorce.)
3. Boats and Birds, The Scene Aesthetic (Her voice is so soft. I love it.)
4. Somebody Loved, The Weepies.
5. Landslide (the original or The Dixie Chicks version).
6. Jesus Christ, Brand New.
7. Act III, Band of Annuals. I will ALWAYS have UNDYING love for Ryan for introducing me to this song. I don't know what it is about it. The harmonica? I just love it.
8. Big Fish or Jenny's Theme, Danny Elfman (just a little instrumentals for ya)
There's no pattern, rhyme or reason to these songs. When it snows, I just feel it. And when it snows... you will too :)
6. It's time to whip out the footie pajamas! One of the greatest Christmas gifts of all time (thanks grandma). I was VERY excited... til I broke the zipper.
7. I believe the dating ratio is going to dramatically decrease. Sun=love. Winter=....not as much love. It's simple math people.
Anywho...
I feel like the snow would actually be pretty if I had a cute mustard yellow umbrella, or a figure flattering water resistant coat. I should invest in such things so as to improve this relationship I have with the winter.
