Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten.

In case you did not know, I work as a developmental therapy technician at a center that shall remain unnamed (not because I don't like it, I LOVE it, but simply because I'm pretty sure mentioning it involves breaking some sort of rules... ya know, legal stuff.) 
(I sound all legit right? I used to have to say I worked at Dairy Queen when people asked me where I worked, SO glad that ship has sailed.)

Anyways, because I am both tasteful, and mature, I lovingly call the kids I work with "the ra-tards". Pretty sure that is sooo not ok. It's like dropping the N-word around an african-american brotha. But, have you ever noticed if you are of that ethnicity, it is ok to say that certain word?
Here's my justification: I basically have issues, so I relate well to them! haha For some reason, because I feel like I am one of them, I feel like it's ok to drop politically incorrect terminology. Especially because I am the biggest advocate that these children really are so much more capable than people give them credit for, and that we all are retarded in some sense, as is expanded on here. Anywho, I LOVE these kids, and I LOVE my job even though there are days I get bitten, pooped on, drooled on, and wanna cry, and the hours can stink and be unpredictable, it is seriously the best. Through my job, I've gained so much more understanding of the pure love of Christ. 

I'm kinda territorial of this lil guy. 

He was my client last year, and he just makes my world. I think when he runs in with a smile on his face and hugs my leg, that's the closest thing to motherly love I've ever felt. EVERY frustration, surprise bathroom attack (aka getting peed on), tantrum, half hour commute, and poor wage becomes worth it.

This week I've been substituting in the Special Education Department at a few elementary schools, and boy, has my knowledge been broadened! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a list of the VERY important facts I've learned in kindergarten this week, via an outstanding group of 5 year-olds.

1. Nacho cheese is 50% plastic. Thank goooodness they told me! Think of how much plastic taco bell could have tricked me into consuming had I not found this out! :)
2. I live in Idaho. My mommy lives is Washington, therefore, I am an orphan. haha
What? All this time I've been living a lie and I had to wait for a 5 year old to tell me!?
3. Wendy's is the worlds best restaurant because it is the only one with chili? So good to know.
4. "bun, picko, picko, picko, cheese" is how you make a crabby patty. Take that Plankton, I got the Krusty Krab secret recipe before you! Sorry you've spent your whole meaningless television life searching for something you could have known had you only attended public education in Idaho.

5. You can get anything you want if you begin the request with the phrase "I'll be your best friend if..." Never again will I be refused!
6. Supposedly, You can sell a deer for a gazillion dollars. I will be infinitely grateful to whoever brings me that diamond encrusted deer.
7. From my observations, girls and boys really don't develop cooties until first or second grade. It's still o.k. to be civil towards one another in Kindergarten.
8. Have an unruly child you need to calm down? Mother's listen up. A blanket with small bean bags sewn in it to give it weight, a plastic soft bristled brush (like the ones on those shout bottles of stain remover, or pet groomer brushes, though I'm sure any brush would work.) and calm nature music. Lights off. Place blanket on child laying down, play music, and brush their arms and back. Magic. They do this to some of the autistic children after recess to calm them down. It puts even me to sleep.

9. It's appropriate to crawl around on the ground as long as you inform the teacher you are "Baby Bowser." haha Come on teacher, you couldn't tell?
10. "Sometimes, you are just in the mood for two chocolate milks"
I hear ya brother.

This is but a sampling of helpful information that is seriously lacking in my college education, but no worries, I still have a few more days to learn more than I will ever need to know.
Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Oh hey! You're awesome.