Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Every conversation leads to the bathroom.

You know it's a slow thought day if this is my topic of choice, but have you ever heard that phrase? Every conversation leads to the bathroom. Maybe that was only the case in my household, what with four brothers and all, but I've heard if you talk long enough... it's bound to happen.
Public restrooms. Don't you just love em?
Today I used one :) 
(Yea, it's about to get intimate. haha)
I don't know what it is about them.  Is it the musky temperature mixed with the cheap cleaning product scent?
Is it the tissue paper that they call toilet paper? 
Do they know if they'd splurge to buy real toilet paper, perhaps we wouldn't have to use 3 times as much!!! (and I was in the restroom of a grocery store no less! Real TP aisle 3?)
Or maybe its those automatic flusher things that are set off by movement (in the nicer restrooms of course) 
Juuuuust when you are getting comfortable on a porcelain throne that isn't your own... they'll catch ya by surprise... dee dee dummm, dee dee dummm, FLUUUUSSSSHHHHH-HOLY-HEART ATTACK! Those things put a whole new meaning to the phrase "It scared the crap outta me" ha ha ha.

Oh, and who doesn't adore the soap that smells like grandma's house? (no offense G-dizzle)

Has anyone noticed you do your best thinking in the bathroom? I love the bathroom. It's private, quiet, and just the right amount of me time. TMI? I know you agree!  Here's the problem with some public restrooms:
A. Men and Women's restrooms that share a vestibule. A vestibule is that little entrance thing... right is the mens room, left is the Womens, sound familiar? Well, in a nicely tiled restroom, sounds carry very well. One minute things are fine and dandy, and the next thing you know, a males voice is so clear from a high quality echo that your heart just about skips a beat thinkin your about to be the next victim of life-threathening embarrassment from walking into the wrong bathroom! 

B. Then, there's always that unspoken awkwardness when you find you aren't alone in the bathroom. Do you wait until the other person starts urinating so that you can urinate in sync, that way it's not you breaking the silence? Or is that a little too intimate? Maybe you should just pull the "I suddenly have to cough a bunch" card to warn them that yes, they are not alone. Or perhaps, you should flush the toilet and pee really fast so that they don't hear a thing! Yea, I'm a master at the whole sha-bang.
Let me tell you something that occurred to me today. We are all people. We all pee. We shouldn't be embarrassed by that. Why be ashamed? let the world know you have arrived. It's all good :)

C. This is a personal issue, but today, I noticed I was so short and my feet didn't even reach the ground in a particular restroom. I felt like a child, my moon boots dangling free in the air. Ra-diculous. 

Anyways, I'm sure that was more than enough information, but I'm also sure we are all in agreement, public restrooms are not always ideal. 
Now that I've wasted your time with my bathroom rant, give the gift your yourself and use double-ply TP. You enjoy your day :)
(Here's a little surprise I left for my roommate who stayed up late to do homework. "I'll never let go!" haha)

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