I'm Aliiiive!

I get the award for the most inattentive blogger, having pushed it to almost a week since I last blogged. My apologies. You haven't missed too much though. The day before my birthday, Ryan and I saw downtown Spokane with my familia, and it was bomb.

We saw the Spokane falls...

 Visited the worlds largest Red Flyer wagon, sat on some blocks...

 and maturely pinched my little sisters bum bum. It's just so CA-UUUTE! Who could resist?

 Anyways, back to business:

Here's the Rexburg deal-io, I drive all day on my birfday (the 15th), get to the burg, and learn that the internet modem in my apartment is MIA. yes. GONE! You really don't realize how dependent you are on internet until it is unaccessible. And trust me, I've been having blogger nightmares everyday since it's been gone. "Tomorrow" they keep saying, and yet another day goes by without. Hopefully you enjoyed my ever-so-random craft post though. I must say, that laptop case is my faithful companion this semester.

Speaking of semesters can you say "mylifeisabouttogetawholelotharder?!" because I sure can. I am a busy lady. I job an on-campus job which is a first and a HUGE blessing. Needless to say, with all of the class juggling I've been doing, having to meet credit requirement and what not, I'm left on campus from 8-6 and lets just plan a wedding on top of that!

I work at the information desk and lost and found, which frankly is so fun, and so nervewracking at the same time. basically, if anyone has any question, anything at all, they ask us. and SOOOOMEHOW I have to figure out the answer or find who to forward them to. I feel like a fancy (and totally underqualified) secretary, but it's pretty legit if I do say so myself :)

Now, I'm gonna entertain you with my ever-so-fabulous Awesome and Awkward moments of the first week of school:

Awesome: Going to the grocery store with my brother and coming home to this b-day card that my old roommate Breanne left in my bedroom.--->

Then, she and my other friend popped outta the bathroom! Heaven knows how long they were waiting in there. haha

Awesome: So far, my books and materials have cost me less than $100! That is quite the accomplishement if I do say so myself.

Awesome: Buying new school clothes at a secondhand clothing store, and getting clothes for free secondhand. I don't care what people say about thriftshopping, it is awesome and basically my whole wardrobe is used. I cannot tell you how much money I save in the long run from doing it!

SUPER AWESOME: President Clark (The President of the University) said good morning to me today. Yes, lowly me, only but a peasant, graced by the presence of prestige.

Awesome: The VERY nice camera my parents bought me for my birthday. I'm pretty excited to say the least.

Awesome: A teacher gave me a free binder. Call me a nerd, but new (and FREE) office supplies seriously tickles me pink!

Now, for the (much more common) awkward moments:

Awkward: Showing up for work the first day and not having any of the paperwork you need to get approved for work.

"Driver's License?"

" I have a temporary copy because I just turned 21, my plastic will come in the mail in the next few weeks."

"That won't work."

 "Uhhhhh..."

 "Social Security card?"

"I have a fax of it, my parents keep the original."

"That won't work."

 "okaaay... do you accept first born children?"

I drove a half hour to get another copy of my SS card, but couldn't because I didn't have a plastic drivers license. Mommmy sent me it in the mail. Obviously I'm an adult.

Awkward: Every time someone comes to my desk to ask me a question that I don't know the answer to, and that I don't know how to find the answer for. 

"Aren't they paying you for this sort of thing?" "uh... yes?  wanna hop behind the desk and  give it a shot?"  fear not questionable students, I'll get it down :)

Awkward: I'm usually REALLY good at recognizing people I've met, buuut this girl passes me and said hi to me like we've been friends forever! And I'm all, you don't know me like that!  JK. But I was thinking it. Clearly she was confused because my stalwart memory would never fail me.

Awkward: Running into ex-boyfriends every day (I really don't have that many!). But, I think I'd prefer to run into ex's I hate, because then you wouldn't have to talk to them. Talking to Ex's that are still your friend and knowing they really can't be is just sad.

Awkward: Introducing myself in my intro to Business Real Estate class. You know that moment when you just don't belong, and everyone know's you don't belong? Bingo. They can smell a non-business major from a mile away!

Awkward: Having someone come to the info desk, ask a question, leave, and come back a few seconds later having mustered up the courage to ask me out, only to notice the engagement ring. Shut. Down. Trust me, that trainwreck was a hard thing to watch. "Hey, sorry, I know this is really random but would you...(glances at left hand) looong pause (points to my left hand) Oh.. right... Married. heh heh... Nevermind..." Poor guy. I told him he deserves points for boldness.

Awkward: That moment when you walk out of the bathroom, and the guy in the Mens room across from the women's bathroom walks out of the bathroom at the same time, and you give each other that oh yea, I know what yoooou were doin in there... look, and then quickly divert your eyes to avoid owning up to it. It's funny... we all know everyone goes to the bathroom... I just prefer to not to be reminded!

I can't decide if this is awkward or awesome, but I'm leaning towards awesome.

Ninja Turtle Backpack bay-baaaay. and barefoot. BYU-I just keeps getting better and better!

And that sums it up. Sorry I'm crazy busy with school and all, I must say, you bloggers out there that post daily/every other day, I'm impressed. I can't promise I'll be that routine, but I promise when I write, It should be worth reading. 

Til later loverlies :)

Interior design whaaaat?

SO. I'm alive and surviving the fist week of school, (more to come on that topic later). 

And guess what? This little lady is taking a Practical Home making class, AKA one of those wifey-mommy classes carpeting the campus at BYU-Idaho (practical class for a wife-to-be right?).

The class is broken up into three tortuous, and fast pace parts made up of sewing, cooking, and you guessed it, interior design. Besides the fact that my professor is the most intense, and (dare I say) meanest little pregnant woman I have ever met, and hearing her talk gives me anxiety attacks with a side of headaches and a cherry on top, I'm enjoying it so far! 

One of our first assignments was taking a few style profile quizzes (which were surprisingly accurate I must say) and then compiling some images that match. If you're feeling bored, feel free to check em out for yourself! 

       The Home Stylist quiz at: http://www.thehomestylist.com/get-interactive/style-quiz/

AND  The Kaboose quiz at: http://just-for-mom.quiz.kaboose.com/42-what-s-your-decorating-style

(It's like Seventeen magazine quizzes for us mature, finger sandwich, mini van, adult ladies ;) 

My main design styles were "Country Cottage" and "Gracious" aka old fashioned.  

Naturally Polyvore and I had an intimate date over some white chocolate popcorn, and 

BAM, POP, POW! 

My visual representation was born! 

 

Fresh Teal by vbraun featuring Warehouse pendants

French Restoration by vbraun on polyvore.com

They seriously to create a wedding registry online where you can put the items together like this. Genius I tell you. 

Watch out world; Imma be rollin in da dough wit ideas like dis.

Chevron Canvas Laptop Cover

So I've been looking for a while for a cover for my laptop, and have found I haven't seen anything that i liked enough to drop $40 for. The obvious solution was to make my own, right? I found some canvas on sale for a few dollars, and a little masking tape and paint and minor sewing later: BAM! Laptop envelope. 

Really, momma did all the taping. She's the greatest wing man.

I'm a little obsessed with how it turned out!

 

I am living proof that you don't have to know how to sew very well, or draw, or paint to make something pretty nifty :) It also helps to have a momma! 

Now, I'm debating whether to offer hand-made laptop envelopes on my etsy account. Thoughts? Maybe, just maybe....

Saturday is a day to fall in love!

My man and I came to Spokane this weekend! That boy drove all through the night so we could get here asap (can you say stud muffin?) Yea, I'm in love. Anyhow, there was no resting, as soon as we got here, we were off. Now as much as I love typing, pictures are worth a thousand words, and videos are worth even more, so feast your eyes upon this high quality, low budget motion picture film for the wrap up of our first day home!

And none were with him.

LDS, Christian, Catholic, or what, it doesn't matter. If you believe in Christ, and even if you don't, this is an uplifting message. Read the full talk here.

Somewhere between the Peeps and Jelly Beans, we must take the time to remember the most important sacrifice of all. 

Happy Easter!

Oh the things we have access to...

There I was, sitting in a car on the way home to Spokane, transferring money into my bank account from my fiance's phone. In a car, using the internet, from a phone. It really got me thinking about how advanced technology has become! Its insane to think that it can really become more advanced, and yet, it can. Ryan showed me this video that is about a product that is predicted to become accessible to the average household within 40 years! This is insane, I think I need to start purchasing some stocks.

Crazy eh?

Speaking of having access to things I never thought possible, I think some issues for business owners in particular is that they get these reviews and ratings out in the world wide web, and may never know about them. I'm sure that can be frustrating for anyone! It's like dirty gossip passed around middle school and not finding out until your reputation is blown! 

Anywho, technology: I found a website that tracks reviews all over the web! It's called "Review Trackers" (basically it's an "online review monitoring for local businesses http://www.reviewtrackers.com) Review Trackers makes it easy for businesses to monitor their online reviews. They offer a simple dashboard that allows you to view all your reviews in one place. They also send you email notifications every time you get a new review, which makes it easy for business owners to see what is being said about their company online. 

My mind is blown as to how they can even do that! I'm beginning to realize the world is far more brilliant and accessible than I ever was aware of. Seriously, what more am I missing out on here? The fact that I can even blog my thoughts and have it open for the world to see is kinda exciting. Hope I don't have any bad reviews out there! haha

So here's what I'm beginning to realize, I need to really start recording in a journal or something my thoughts about new technologies. How cool would that be to come across and read in the future from the comfort of my hovercraft! (or whatever it is I'm driving then...) haha We're making history people, and by golly, I'm gonna find someway to make my thoughts known in a futuristic history book.

Beam me up Scotty.

Also I really love Ryan.

I Must Confess...

I could possibly have a detrimental health addiction.

 

Wanna hear what my FAV-FAV-FAV-ORITE part of Easter is? Ya know, besides that whole Christ totally overcoming death like the awesome Savior he is thing!

Two words.

JELLY. BEANS. 

It's a problem really, but I cannot help my undying love for them. (Don't tell my Fiance that I'm cheating of him for a bite sized, artificially flavored, High fructose corn syrup infused concoction.)

They are just so yummy! I think I've had them for breakfast for the last 3 days... I'm such a mature adult. But, when they only bring these special little gems around for the first few weeks in April every year, how could they not expect me to go CA-RAAAZY?! The possibilities and flavors are endless to keep my sugar-addiction at it's peak. They have Lemonhead, Lifesaver, Starburst, Warhead, Nerds, Sunkist, Pastels, Fruit Punch, Sweet Tarts... the list goes on, and they sell them for $2 a bag!!! Not to mention all of the egg shaped chocolate delights! (And yet, have you ever noticed that despite all these fabulous treats, one of those nasty little Palmers hollow chocolate bunnies manages to sneak it's way into your basket every year? Palmers... they've got the system rigged I say.)

Back to the good stuff though, how can we resist? It's like putting a shark in a pool of injured fish and telling him to play nice.

Needless to say... I may be in over my head here. I think they've started putting some new chemical in these treats that confuses your body into avoiding the gym and eating more jelly beans to make up for it! 

I love Easter. It will truly be a sad day this Monday when it's over. My not-so-swimsuit-ready body will thank me, but my under-exercised adoration for jelly beans will not. Here's to the day after Easter sales yo, I'm camping out for when those store doors open :)

Second time's the charm! Here's to looking forward.

There I was. On the bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling, not even being able to remember how I got there. All I knew was I couldn't breathe, I was broken, empty, alone. So much of me was him, and now, laying on the ground crying, I didn't recognize the person I'd become. Who was this girl? This girl who'd become so needy, so dependent on his words, so emotionally unstable, I am not this girl. I knew I'd done this to myself; I had the opportunity to marry him, and I chose to run. I was scared, immature, alone. I pondered and realized nothing has changed since then. 7 months later, I was worse off now, than I was when I believed I couldn't go anywhere but up. I just need him. I need him to hold me together, to tell me it'll be okay, to simply acknowledge I wasn't invisible. But he wouldn't. He was moving on, he'd found someone else, oh how crazy thinking about him with her was making me. So like I always did, I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing. I wrote him yet another letter. Pathetic, but I had to. It was my way of organizing my thoughts. One of his Ex-girlfriends actually recommended it, oh how smart she is. 

I learned many important things through this painful experience of losing his presence. Really experiencing the loss of him in my life: 

1. I was sad when we were engaged last time. Very sad, nervous, alone, stressed, and all these things on top of school made me feel trapped and so scared. I always felt ill at the thought of marriage and was in such a miserable state, I saw no happiness in the future, married or not. My family thought it was the hormones of birth control, but I had my doubts; the feeling was indescribable. Nevertheless, I got off birth control and the feelings remained. I tried to ignore them but they wouldn't leave, and therefore I felt impressed there was only one explanation: God was prompting me that I was not taking the route I needed to take in this important decision. This was tremendously hard to accept. How could someone so perfect be wrong for me? I had moments of hatred, and misunderstanding of myself, love, and the whole situation. I'll confess some nights I'd pray and felt completely uncared for. None of it made sense. So I called off the wedding, and you know what? The feeling didn't go away. Where was the feeling? Where was the refuge? Nothing made sense, until now. 

 Last summer was not the time for me to be married. There was so much room for my love for Ryan to mature, and I can see now how this series of events was eventually worth it. The most important thing I know was that the Lord was not telling me "No, not him" in regards to marriage, he was saying "No, not now." 

2. I needed to mature; to analyze my mistakes in the relationship, learn how to improve, how to handle stress,  and I needed to feel what life was like without him. I didn't like it.

 3. I learned a lot about myself. I lost 20 lbs (unintentionally at that), so there's a perk, and I needed to learn to really rely on the Lord, and The Savior.  I read in a book called "Making Sense of Suffering" that sometimes a person needs to experience their own Gethsemane, in order to truly understand a appreciate the suffering the Lord Jesus Christ experienced through The Atonement. Yea, I really get it now, and for that I am so grateful.

Back to the letters, I kept writing them and it wasn't until later I realized that though I knew how much I loved him, and fully expressed it, he still had no idea, because I had the full collection of letters unknown to him. Time was ticking. Some things were within my control and others were not, but all I knew was if he never knew just how much I loved him, I would always regret that. So pathetic, weak, and lacking all pride I'd taken 20 years to collect, like an 8th grader passing a note to her crush, I gave the letters to his roommate and asked he give them to him. Ryan's girlfriend was not happy. That was a rough week. I begged, and prayed, and couldn't understand a logical reason why Ryan would give me another shot. I purely relied on the fact that the Lord knew the intentions of my heart, and that if this was how it was supposed to be, and Ryan was as in tune to promptings and personal revelations as I believed he was, things would work out. And miraculously, they did. He broke up with his girlfriend, and gave me another chance! I went and met his WONDERFUL family for a weekend!

We drove to Utah, stayed in a condo, ate LOTS of delicious cookies and meals and watched movies, saw his sister perform, sang, relaxed and visited my lil angelic niece.

(Sweet baby Heidi. Such a little lady.)

 It was fabulous.

 

Then we took a wrong turn on the way back and drove til 2 in the morning. This stud drove the whooole way. (and bought me candy at a gas station!) I love him.

 Anyways, one blissful and emotional month later, (after a year and a half of "maybe's") I'm elated to say  

WE ARE ENGAGED! (again.) 

(aaand I'm kind of obsessed with my ring. Call me vain, but I love sparkly things!)

 

For real this time though, I'm going through with it and I'm so Excited!

And I'm proud to say that after everything we've been through, after all those times he was ready and I wasn't, and I was ready and he wasn't, WE'RE FINALLY ON THE SAME PAGE! Difficult as it TRULY was at the time, I finally understand this portion of the Lords plan, and he has made the pain I experienced meaningful and with a purpose. To those of you who don't know our history, catch up woth blog posts from the last year. Hopefully from here on out, we'll have less lemons and more lemonade! Yadda mean (you know what I mean)? 

So here's to no more breakups and depressing posts, cheers!

 Now expect Engagements, more birthcontrol posts, and the excitement of engagement. Those of you single women out there, I'm sorry, you may start to hate me. 

(juuust kidding, I'll keep it real :)

And that's the way the cookie crumbled.