Thursday, May 24, 2012

"I'm Blue da ba dee da ba dye"

When I was about 8, I noticed something rather peculiar about my older brother Bryan. He wasn't quite like the rest of us. 
He never seemed to get into trouble, he had a birthmark on his cheek, and was rather different. 
Then I discovered something that really led me to wonder.

Bryan had an Outtie belly button.
This was an obvious red flag to me. So one day, while Bryan was unloading the dishwasher, I interrogated  him and learned something I would never forget.
Bryan confessed to me that he.... he.... he..... 
He was an alien.

Though I cannot fully admit this came as a surprise to me, it was still a little suspicious. How could the answer be so simple? So overlooked? 

"You don't look like an Alien.", I responded.
"I wear a mask.", He said
(duuh Valerie.)
"Then take it off.", I replied.
"I cannot, I've had it on for so long, It's stuck!", he said as he tugged, pulled and flapped his cheeks together.
This seemed reasonable to me. No use in arguing. 
The song "I'm blue da ba dee da ba dye" happened to be popular on the radio at the time, so I asked, "What color are you?"
His response: 

From that day on, we went about our lives as we normally would. I, an earthling, being the only one knowing my "brother's" secret; He, an alien, far from home, making a new life on planet earth. He served a mission in Africa, married a human girl, reproduced and attends college at BYU-provo; the perfect cover of an average, normal, LDS young man.
But though rarely spoken of, I've never forgotten the truth. I did look at people with outtie belly buttons a little more closely. I lived haunted with the wonder of how many like him were out there. They could be my friends, my neighbors, my teachers. This I came to accept, and was forced to bury deep within myself.

Then one day, my mom sent me a picture.

I knew it.

Many may think this was some sort of pre-mature mid-life crisis (after all, he is expecting his second child in July). But the story he claims is that he is about to graduate, and has always wanted to paint himself blue for a BYU-Cougar game, and when he enters the work force will never be able to shave his head. 
Nice cover-up, but I knew better. 
Blogger world, my loyal followers, you now share in my secret. He is an Alien. His mask has begun to wear off. Oh, the horror his wife must have experienced when she noticed his smurf-like tint! Oh how many pictures his sweet baby Heidi will have to hide from future boyfriends and pursuers (no one must know how her dad is a freak!)

But now, YOU know. Take this knowledge and use it responsibly.
As for you, Bryan: I'm sorry. I couldn't carry this burden any longer. But have faith in humankind. Have faith we will accept you. Mom may still love you as if you were her own child. Take this opportunity to move forward. I.... love you.
No matter how blue you really are.


  1. So THAT'S what's wrong with Harlee!! She has an outtie too!

  2. this is one of the cutest posts I've read to date, I love it! :) love your blog! please come check mine out some time :D

  3. hahaha this is awesome. what a fun post :)


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