Friday, November 29, 2013

Student Teaching as Told by GIFS

I am an easy, skeezy, GIF over-user and dang proud of it. It's for that reason I can see no better way to sum up my student teaching (and basic teaching) experiences than in a series of GIFs! So, all you teachas in da cluuub, please stand up and give a holla of agreement if any of what I am about to express is at all accurate. If you are a teacher, you have probably experienced one or more of these situations:

When a student raises their hand, and then says "Never mind, it's a dumb question..." You, as their educator and cheerleader just wanna say:

Then they say the question, and you... well....

 When students get mad at you for: assigning homework, showing them they received a poor grade, trying to help them, not letting them go to the bathroom, telling them to sit down, breathing their air and heaven knows what else and they say "Hey, I thought we were friends!"

Or better, when they try to friend you on facebook: 

 Whenever students quote a Youtube video, or mention Slender Man, the new Call of Duty, Minecraft, or Vines, I, in all 22 years of my prehistoric existence say:

Basically every Monday morning, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Really, Tuesdays are the only safe days of the week. OR when a student asks if "this" is ok on their artwork when it's  clear they must not know which end of the pencil was for drawing:

When you present a new lesson you have spent forever and a day preparing and think it is just has to be the greatest thing they have ever laid their eyes on since sliced bread: 

When students say "But Mrs. Stratford, it's the weekend!"

When you are grading a REALLY easy test, your reaction after every wrong question is:

Then when most of the class bombs it, you come to terms with the fact that you, in fact, have failed; not them.

When the principle asks you if you will be in charge of an after school club or extracurricular activity, or even better, take on an extra morning/afternoon duty shift. 

When you let the students choose their own seating chart, get out paint, or let them do anything involving scissors and glue:

 When you tell students to write their name on their paper:

Every time you overhear the latest middle school gossip:

When a student asks to go to the restroom right after the bell rings:

When you hear someone receive a text message during class:

 When a new student adds your class in the middle of the semester:

 When a student in the hall says "Wait, you're a teacher? I thought you were just another student. How old are you?" 

When one of your 8th grade students proposes to you... 
or says pretty much anything else you really just cannot believe left their mouth:

 When you leave the room for 30 seconds to get a new bottle of paint and come back to all sorts of what on earth have you all done?:

 When a student sasses you, and you just can't help but sass them right back (because, you know, you're a professional):

When you tell the students you are leaving, and they legitimately seem sad about it, and write you goodbye cards of tender innocent goodness:

 When you are DONE with student teaching:

Heaven knows I could go all night, but for now I think this just about sums it up! There are so many wonderful things to be thankful for this season. As for me, I'm thankful to be living with my husband again and to be done with student teaching FOREVER!!!

Monday, November 11, 2013

So. Much. Hatred.

Guys. YOU GUYS. 
I am one of the single most pathetic beings on the face of the planet. It all started about a week ago when my husband sends me a random e-mail with a marathon training for novices work out plan in it. Dropping hints much? "Let's train for a marathon", He says. "It'll be easy", He says. And in my mind I'm thinking, yea! That'd be pretty bad-A, and seeing as I'm the least bad-A person, oh, ever... this is a great plan. So there I go, looking up marathons, and imagining myself checking that bad boy off my bucket list. 
I ask him when we should start and he says 2 weeks. See, when he said 2 weeks, he meant we start the program in 2 weeks, but are running up until then. When I hear 2 weeks, I'm thinking how many chocolate dipped ice cream cones do I need to eat before I feel guilty about it again? You can only imagine my surprise when my husband asks me if I've been running. HEEEEYYYAAALLLL NO, have I been running (scoff*). I still have 2 weeks until my imminent doom begins! Then there is this 3 day weekend and that little voice in my head is saying if you won't run now, when will you... yadda yadda. This is my really long way of saying that I went for a jog. A ONE mile jog. I took about ten steps when I remembered why running a marathon was in fact NEVER on my bucket list. What is on my bucket list is eating a whole bag of kit kat minis in one sitting. I've done the preparation for that! (p.s. There are 1270 calories in an entire bag. In case you were wondering.) The more I jogged, the more that little voice in my head stopped encouraging and started saying something that actually did make sense for once. It was along these lines:

And that little voice continued to say this repeatedly for all 10 bitter minutes of my jog. I want to like running. I want to like running so badly, but every fiber of my pear shaped being is totally against any form of exercise whatsoever. I used to work out all the time, and I daresay there was a point in time that jogging wasn't too bad... but that point in time has long since been replaced by New Girl and sweet Lindt Lindor truffle dreams. With that being said, in relation to my sweet husband Ryan: I love you, but you are seeeeeriously pushing those limitations if you are really set on this marathon dillusion that involves my milkshakes and Apple Bottom Jeans.

*Encouragement and cute running apparel readily accepted. 

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Winging it Granola Style

When the chill is in the air, I'd say its only natural to tap into your inner home maker and whip out the apron. To not desire that warm apple cinnamon smell wafting through the kitchen is simply un-american. However, Chill is NOT in the air here is Arizona... but what can you do?
When Saturday rolls around, Its like Santa just dropped off hours of available me time right on the doorstep. I used to bake all the time and lately, I've just flat out been slacking and something needs to change. In honor of this, I am endowing you with the greatest granola recipe of all time. You're welcome.

These pictures are from a previous granola experiment of mine that was ok, but not the best. I made a big no-no meaning I put the Craisins in before I baked it. Don't do it. They turn sour and straight-up nasty. Put them in after and you will be a happy camper. Thankfully, that's not the recipe I'm giving you. You are getting THE BEST one out there. (And when I say the best, I mean it!) Are you convinced yet? 

Though getting married to my sweet husband has a loooong list of perks, I'd have to say getting this granola recipe from his phenomenal Aunt Kim is easily in the top ten. This is the first granola that passed up candy to eat. It is delightful. And the sweetened condensed milk doesn't hurt either ;) 

I didn't snap photos before it was cooked because, let's be honest, I couldn't pull my fat face away from this snack long enough to find a camera. So, pay attention more to the recipe than the counterfeit photos!

I've lovingly named it "Aunt Kim's Coconut Crack Granola." Because it's just that good.
The recipe goes as follows:

4 C old-fashioned oats
1C shredded coconut
1/2 C canola oil
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 C chopped pecans (can be substituted with almonds... but come on...)
1/2 tsp salt
I added some Flax seeds to make it more filling :)

Mix all dry ingredients together, drizzle oil and milk over, stir and spread on cookie sheet. (one batch fits Costco size)

Bake at 350 for 15 mins, stir, bake for another 5-25 minutes still golden brown.. Stir as go!
Here's what it should look like after:

This is one recipe you will wonder how you've lived this long without!

Coraleeisms Part 2: Friends Can See Friends Naked.

From the mouth of babes comes the insight that we all at one time firmly believed, but have since let societal constraints and a dash of modesty overrule. This is easily one of my favorite quotes from the 3 year old expert herself, Coralee. Correction: she just turned four. Heaven knows the wisdom the ripe old age of 4 will bring! From her mouth, to my computer, I give you Coraleeisms Part 2!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Introducing: the purse pod

Raise your hand if your purse is a disaster. Ok, now put your hand down :) Let's be honest, as women we are really good at two things: being prepared, and carrying our entire lives in our Mary Poppins inspired purses. This is great, unless you are like me and spend half of your time digging through all of the randoms in your purse in pursuit of a mint or Midol. It's for that reason that I was ELATED to see the purse pod. At first it reminded me of a little bridal gift my husband's aunt gave me when I got married. Her little gift had all of my wedding day essentials in it. I LOVED it but knew it cost her a small fortune to put the lil package together. It was such a useful thing to have, but I found myself thinking, why can't we just get all of the necessities we need in one place rather than pacing the travel size items aisle ourselves? Finally, I have an answer! The purse pod. This little torpedo has all of the necessities in one compact and fashionable place! Like... WHY HAS NO ONE EVER THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?! Don't get me wrong, I have seen bits and pieces of something attempting to be this awesome, but always lacking; or far too, oh, I don't know... ugly. Ya know what? I'll quit talking and just let you see this cutie for yourself.

When they call it a purse pod, they really mean it! I was pleasantly surprised by the itty bitty nature of this baby bullet. It is only 5X5 inches!

To give you a better idea of my chaos that is a purse, this is but half of the crapola (excuse my french) I've managed to stuff inside. Yes, that IS a roll of duct tape (because you just never know...). I've got mints, random pills, and wires coming out my ears. Thanks to the purse pod, I can fill my little pill box and finally contain half of my random clutter right there! All I'm saying is, freak yea. And check out all the cute designs here! Double freak yea. 

With the this adorable tiny clutch comes the following items:

And with Christmas just around the corner, would this not be the best gift for just about anyone with two X chromosomes?! I think I'm officially addicted. The only thing that would make me happier is if I had a bridal pod, baby bag pod, church pod, school pod, and car pod too! Until then, this happily suffices :) For more info and updates, be sure to check out and like their Facebook page here!

You're welcome for making your Christmas's and purses a little bit more convenient.